It’s pretty hard to go a single day without hearing about a killing. Whether it happens to someone in our own area or across the country, nobody is truly shocked anymore, right? Typically it ends up being something common like a shooting or stabbing. Maybe someone with serious road rage ran someone off the road with a car, or an abused spouse finally decided to lay a beating on his or her partner for a change.

Every great once in a while, though, someone gets creative and makes use of his or her surroundings to commit murder or manslaughter. Some choices of weapon are so weird that they could never have been contemplated when creating a criminal statute. Don’t start thinking that you’ve found a murder loophole in the legal system. Prosecutors will find a way to make it fit in somewhere. They certainly did for the weapons discussed below.

“Domestic” violence has a whole new meaning

When you think about what you’d use to protect yourself if someone burglarized your home, your mind probably leaps to typical weapons like a kitchen knife or a baseball bat. What do you think burglars might use if they unexpectedly encounter a homeowner? Even when the violent encounter boils down to a domestic fight you probably wouldn’t think to use these, but they get points for resourcefulness.

  • Pumpernickel bread. A man in Scotland was found dead with a lump on the back of his head believed to be caused by someone slinging a loaf of pumpernickel bread, which was discovered lying next to him. I guess the thief got hungry and was busted making a sandwich worth killing for.
  • Toilet tank lid. A woman was assaulted and killed by her pizza delivery guy who not only hit her with the lid but used a dog collar to allegedly drag her to a creek. Police didn’t buy it and believe he choked her with the collar.
  • Crucifix. So vampire jokes aside, a woman who committed sexual assault of an elderly woman on Christmas decided that it would be a great idea to finish the job by stabbing her with a crucifix. Happy holidays.
  • Frying pan. A woman arguing with her boyfriend hit him in the head with a frying pan, killing him. Someone watched “Throw Momma from the Train” one too many times.
  • Teaspoon. A man in England, who was also coincidentally addicted to heroine, got into an altercation with a friend over a cell phone. He hit him in the back of the head with a teaspoon, which caused internal bleeding and his death.
  • Banjo. An Ohio man used not one but two banjos to beat his wife to death. Who keeps a supply of banjos on hand?

Airports aren’t even safe zones from the weird

If you’ve never worked airport security then you don’t know what you’re missing. You sometimes get a front row seat to some of the oddest weaponry people own. It makes you question why they’re traveling with these items. Even if you aren’t plotting someone’s demise, you’re still breaking federal law by bringing prohibited items into an airport. Depending upon the weapon, you could end up paying a fine or being arrested.

You’re going to need my help if any of these weapons sound like something you’d try to take on a plane:

  • Concealed weapons of any kind
  • Spear gun
  • Cattle prod
  • Medieval dragon blade ring (Yes, such a thing exists)
  • Sai (Just admit you’re a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fan if you know what this is)
  • Any explosive no matter the form
  • Fake bomb vests
  • Throwing stars
  • Five-blade flogger (I don’t judge)
  • Canes with built in impaling devices (Yup, it happened in Baltimore)

Using, or even just possessing odd weapons can lead to serious state or federal criminal charges that you’re not going to have an easy time getting out of. If it was self-defense or you have another justifiable excuse, you’re better protected under the safety net of a knowledgeable criminal defense attorney who knows how to maneuver to get you the best outcome possible.

I handle criminal defense throughout Centreville, Annapolis, and Ellicott City so schedule your free consultation today with Drew Cochran, Attorney at Law in my Annapolis or Ellicott City offices by calling 410-271-1892, or I invite you to reach out to me through my firm’s contact page.

And remember – Keep Calm, and Call Drew.