As regular readers of my blog know, I try to infuse a little levity into what would otherwise be a litany of terrible stories over and over again. But I’m afraid that, if I try to be funny here, I’m going to ruin the greatest headline I’ve ever seen about a crime: “Police Are Looking for A Female Jogger Who Regularly Poops Outside People’s Homes.” (H/T to Buzzfeed for this incredible title.)
I… I just can’t. It’s not going to get any better than this.
A family in Colorado Springs is desperately seeking the identity of a woman they call “The Mad Pooper,” who, it appears, has pooped on their property at least once a week for the last seven weeks. The police have reached an impasse: they cannot figure out who the woman is, nor why she has continued to use the Budde family’s property. Sgt. Johnathan Sharketti told KKTV 11 News, “It’s abnormal, it’s not something I’ve seen in my career. For someone to repeatedly do such a thing… it’s uncharted territory for me.”
Cathy Budde seems to have a good attitude about it – the news reports that “She can’t help but laugh at the absurdity of the whole situation” – considering that A) there is evidence that the woman is doing it intentionally, and B) there are public restrooms about a block away from the house. But the woman won’t stop pooping in front of the Buddes’ house, and it’s all starting to be a bit much.
Pooping in public
Let’s just jump right into this.
So, Maryland has no state law about relieving yourself in public, though it does have a very specific set of rules for expunging your record if you get caught urinating or defecating in a public space, so do with that information what you will.
But there is some debate as to whether or not these actions constitute indecent exposure. Depending, perhaps, on the circumstances of your case, such an action might lead to these charges, and you could find yourself on the offender list as a result. The Mad Pooper keeps, uh, pooping in front of a house where there are minor children, so when police catch her, they could potentially charge her with this crime.
Most municipalities, though, pick up where the law leaves off. So, for example, here in Annapolis, under 11.16.050 – Public urination and defecation:
- “It is unlawful for any person to urinate or defecate on, from or upon any beach, public way, public street, public alley, public sidewalk, public dock, public lot, public building and any other public property, unless within proper facilities designated as public restrooms; or in any other place where the person may be seen from a public thoroughfare or public property.
- Any person violating the provisions of this section is guilty of a misdemeanor and shall be punishable by a fine or by imprisonment, or by both as established by resolution of the City Council.”
If you were worried that people could literally just poop and run, like this woman in Colorado Springs is doing, never fear: Annapolis has you covered.
I hope they find this woman soon. To be honest, it sounds like she might need medical attention, and everyone will be better off if she’s given some help. Then again, if The Martian is to be believed, the Budde family is going to have the nicest lawn in the neighborhood next year – so maybe all isn’t lost, after all.
At Drew Cochran, Attorney at Law, I provide serious counsel for people accused of serious crimes, because you never know when one bad decision can have repercussions you didn’t expect. If you’re in need of a skilled Annapolis criminal defense lawyer, please call 410-777-8103 or complete my convenient contact form to schedule an initial consultation.
Just remember that when times get tough, you should Keep Calm – and Call Drew.