Police officers put their lives on the line every day to protect the community at large. They never know what they’re going to walk into when they get a call. Such was the case this past December 29 when they received a call from a residence in upstate New York, notifying them about an intruder. This intruder had broken into a home and was currently in the kitchen, eating cookies and refusing to leave. The homeowner, Susan Zinck, called the police to have the criminal removed, as he was becoming aggressive.
When authorities arrived, Zinck directed them toward the kitchen, where the radio was blasting. When the officers asked her to turn down the music, they learned the intruder turned on the radio himself. The officers entered the kitchen, and, in a shocking turn of events, the perpetrator attacked both cops, biting one.
Then it hid behind the stove, because the intruder turned out to be, in fact, a squirrel.
To the entire internet’s delight, the exchange was caught on body cam, which you can enjoy in its full glory on the Brockport Police Department’s Facebook page.
Ultimately, nobody was harmed, except perhaps the squirrel’s pride, when it became so confused it ran out of the house and then actually ran back in while it was trying to escape. (Hey, we’ve all panicked at one point or another, little buddy.) Although the squirrel did bite one of the officers when he picked it up, the officer was wearing gloves and the animal’s teeth didn’t penetrate. The officer carried the perp outside and released him (or perhaps her; nobody had a chance to fully investigate).
Let’s be honest—this is a goofy story, and the visuals make it even better. Add in the fact that the homeowner had armed herself with a flyswatter and you have all the makings for an episode of a sitcom. So let’s take it a bit further and see how this squirrel’s crimes would play out in real life, if the perp had been human.
- Breaking and entering: Zinck said the squirrel chewed its way in through a bathroom wall. Obviously, this is not a lawful way of entering a home.
- Theft: The squirrel took and ate Christmas cookies without the homeowner’s permission or knowledge.
- Assault: When the officers approached the squirrel, it violently threw itself into one of them and bounced off the other.
- Resisting arrest: After trapping it behind the stove, one of the officers picked up the squirrel, and it promptly bit him.
Buddy “Lawless” Squirrel is looking at quite the list of charges here. All for a cookie.
If you find yourself in a similar situation as this little guy—although I really hope it’s not the same situation—you’re going to need a savvy attorney on your side.
At Drew Cochran, Attorney at Law, I help clients build solid criminal defense strategies. To speak with a skilled Annapolis defense lawyer, contact me today at 410-777-8103 – or complete my contact form to schedule an initial conversation. Just remember: Keep Calm – and Call Drew.